well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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