just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
