I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
