I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
