She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
