i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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