I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
