Define "chronic" masturbator.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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