how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
