What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
