I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
