Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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