i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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