Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
