ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
