Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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