and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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