when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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