i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize