were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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