For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
