You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
