upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
