Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
