4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize