i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
