There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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