We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
