This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
