And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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