He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
What drink are we having for lunch?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
