If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize