she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
