I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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