wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize