I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
