Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
