I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
