There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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