my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Randomize
