When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
