OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
operation have a gay friend backfired
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
