i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
