We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
