i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
