Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
