I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
