I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
