New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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