I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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