i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
