So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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