I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize