My first STD was from a foam party
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
