Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
