Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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