Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You were trust falling into bushes
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
