haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Randomize
