the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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