Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
