ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
