do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
