i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
