you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
