the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
