wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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